In honor of the 137th Kentucky Derby, I’ve compiled a list of the 50 funniest names of horses that have ever participated in the most famous race on the hallowed dirt of Churchill Downs. A special thank you goes out to The Common Man and The Torg from WBNS 97.1 in Columbus, who gave me the idea yesterday while I was listening to their show. Please note that if you are not amused by bathroom humor, then the bulk of this list will probably not be viewed favorably.
In addition to their rank, I’ve also included the year in which the horse participated, and the finishing position of the horse.
50. Avatar (1975, finished 2nd)- This actually only became funny as of 2009…
49. Big Brown (2008, finished 1st)- UPS is to thank for this name being rather humorous. Otherwise, it would have been pretty boring.
48. Cat Thief (1999, finished 3rd)- This one is less funny. It just reminds me of the song Cat Like Thief by Box Car Racer.
47. Chocolate Candy (2009, finished 5th)- Is this bringing back any memories of Chef from South Park? “Hellooo, children!”
46. American Eagle (1944, finished 16th)- Ralph Lauren has commercials featuring polo…what is it about these outfitters and horses?
45. St. Bernard (1935, finished 17th)- This horse might have done better in the dog racing discipline…
44. Shy Tom (1989, finished 10th)- Known for peeping out of his stall to took at the phillies.
43. Harry Gilmore (1882, finished 4th)- “Are you too good for your home? Answer me!”
42. Proceeds (1904, finished 5th)- Considering that the horse finished last, maybe the name was a call for donations to breed better horses.
41. Plutus (1893, finished 2nd)- Say this horse’s name a couple of times, and see if you don’t find yourself laughing just a little.
40. Palestinian (1949, finished 3rd)- Something tells me that this name would generate a lot of controversy today…
39. Holy Land (1970, finished 16th)- Related to Promised City and Promised Land, and distantly related to Palestinian. Seriously.
38. Broker’s Tip (1933, finished 1st)- Here’s how the circular conversation probably went: “Hey, you should bet on Broker’s Tip?”…”What’s the Broker’s Tip?”…”No, you should actually bet on the horse, Broker’s Tip.”…”Well, thanks for the tip, but what horse am I supposed to bet on?”
37. The Winner (1896, finished 7th)- It’s always funny when a horse named something like this ends up finishing next to last.
36. White (1888, finished 3rd)- Creative…
35. Odd Fellow (1877, finished 6th)- I probably wouldn’t do very well either if people called me “Odd Fellow”…
34. Imawildandcrazyguy (2007, finished 4th)- Writing a blog on a Saturday afternoon…you bet I am.
33. Ladysman (1933, finished 4th)- So there’s a Ladysman and Imawildandcrazyguy looking for mares in the pasture, and one says to the other…
32. Vagrant (1876, finished 1st)- You know an owner loves their horse when they give them a name like “Vagrant”.
31. Super Devil (1954, finished 11th)- …and here’s the Super Devil. Now as you can see, there are some significant differences.
30. Television Studio (1981, finished 5th)- This one gets better once you see the next horse on the list…
29. T V Commercial (1968, finished 3rd)- See? I told you Television Studio would get better.
28. Triple Crown (1974, finished 17th)- Like The Winner, this one is good because because of how badly the horse finished. The take away message here is, don’t annoint your horse early.
27. Tomy Lee (1959, finished 1st)- Pamela Anderson never rode this one…
26. Surprising (1914, finished 6th)- The owner of this horse should have spoken with the owners of The Winner and Triple Crown. A name like Surprising fits no matter where the horse finishes…
25. Wild Aster (1924, finished 18th)- I think this one is easy enough to figure out…
24. Buckner (1879, finished 8th)- Eighth place? Apparently the horse can’t do right, either.
23. Burgoo King (1932, finished 1st)- It’s a stretch, but like Television Studio, this one gets better once you see the next horse on the list…
22. Whopper (1935, finished 13th)- What’s funny is that the company didn’t even begin until 1953.
21. Lusty Latin (2002, finished 15th)- It shouldn’t surprise you that this horse finished so low. You’d have a hard time lugging around ten extra pounds of caboose, too.
20. Quito (1880, finished 5th)- Judging by the name, this horse was destined to finish last.
19. Jock (1927, finished 3rd)- This horse’s line of pedigree includes a horse named Commando, which I believe helps further explain the owner’s line of thinking when naming horses.
18. Watermelon (1914, finished 7th)- Watermelon?! They named a horse…Watermelon?!
17. Prego (1962, finished 15th)- And after the disappointing 15th place finish, a tub of ice cream was devoured.
16. Rickety (1917, finished 4th)- Makes it seem like the horse is on it’s last legs…
15. Dike (1969, finished 3rd)- By definition, a dike is an embankment for controlling or holding back the waters of the sea or a river. That’s not funny, though.
14. Built For Pleasure (1996, finished 19th)- Judging from the poor finishing position, maybe this horse wasn’t so built for pleasure.
13. Behave Yourself (1921, finished 1st)- Echoing the demand from mothers everywhere…
12. Tapit (2004, finished 9th)- Normally something like “I would” works here, but it’s a horse, so…
11. Klondyke (1924, finished 9th)- What would you do?
10. Blue Pair (1941, finished 7th)- Sounds painful.
9. Gay Bit (1944, finished 6th)- Get off me…the word had a different connotation back then. Besides, you’re the one who made the connection…
8. Quasimodo (1934, finished 13th)- You didn’t honestly think that after 137 runnings of the race that there wouldn’t be a Quasimodo, did you?
7. Single Foot (1925, finished 4th)- What’s amazing is that this horse managed to beat 16 other competitors.
6. Black Servant (1921, finished 2nd)- It was a different time…
5. Shut Up (1944, finished 4th)- What a great name. I can just imagine what the announcer sounded like calling out this horse during the race.
4. Dunce (1959, finished 7th)- Also a great a name. Something tells me that if horses could talk, Dunce would be similar to Quito…
3. Gold Shower (1943, finished 8th)- Lovely name, don’t you think?
2. The Nut (1929, finished 7th)- This can only bring to mind…
1. The Cock (1916, finished 6th)- The greatest name given to a horse…ever. Luckily, this was done in the 1910’s.
– K. Becks
Kyle Becker’s Furry Time Machine
Just missed the cut…
Where’s “The Winner”? he finished 2nd to last i dont remember what year but i love how the horse was cursed once it was given that name
The Winner is at #37. Much like that horse, Triple Crown (#28) had similar luck with an equally bold name.
I really like your wp theme, where did you get a hold of it through?
It’s a custom theme modified from Magazine Basic version 2.6.12. Glad you like it.
I’ve been reading a bunch of random blogs on your site tonight…. this one is fantastic. #12 made me “LMFAO” as that one rapper would say. By the way, I predicted the victory by “I’ll Have Another” this past weekend. There is evidence on my twitter account. Next year, me and you should pick a winner and put all our life savings on it (practically nothing) and go for the gusto!!!!!!!
Thanks man…I’ll be honest, when I saw your comment I went back and read it, and I don’t know where I came up with some of those jokes. It’s probably one of the more fun articles I’ve written.
Life savings on a winner next year sounds good to me, because I picked I’ll Have Another, too!